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Friday, May 20, 2005

Armed and Dangerous

I was determined that the wasp was going down. While I was at work, I psyched myself up. I had hair spray, I had spray starch. A wasp was going to die.

The sun was actually shining yesterday when I got home, so I expected to see my housemate by the window, trying to get out. But no wasp. Okay, the day before, it had been attracted to the kitchen light. I flipped it on. I put weapons on either side of the kitchen so I wouldn't be caught unprepared to squish him should he land somewhere. Then I stood back in the entryway and waited. Hair spray in one hand, wasp insecticide in the other. (Yeah, it was ineffectual against wasp number 2, but it had a longer range.)

Eyes scanning the sky (okay, the ceiling), I waited. And waited.

I decided to check email real quickly. By the time I was done, surely he'd be out and I could kill him then. But when I went back to check, the kitchen remained eerily wasp-free. I went back and worked on something else. No wasp.

But I was determined. I was ready. This thing was dying today--no matter what!

I'm taking an online class, so I worked on that for a while. Still no wasp. Finally, after nearly two hours, I decided I couldn't wait any more. I have revisions to work on and all my stuff is on the laptop. I had to get to them.

Despite repeated checks, I never saw the wasp.

It ended up being rather anti-climactic. Here I was, armed and dangerous (either to wasps or to myself) and I had no one to fire upon. But I find it oddly disquieting. Where is this wasp? I don't think I got enough spray starch on him Wednesday to kill him, but if I didn't, why wasn't he buzzing around the light? I've reached a state of paranoia. Whenever I open a drawer or a cabinet, wherever I go in the house, I'm afraid I'm going to have an angry wasp flying out at me.

I wish he'd made an appearance yesterday as he's been doing since Tuesday. I wish I'd had a chance to use my can of hair spray. I wish I'd killed him. Should be a fun, productive weekend when I'm already jumping at shadows.

MN Weather Report: 57 degrees.