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Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Author AND Time Traveler

It's taken me a while, but I've finally figured it out. I time travel.

I know! It's hard to believe, but it makes complete sense. I'll look at the clock and it'll be 4:30 and a mere minute later, I'll look and it's 4:55. Clearly, I time traveled. How else can 25 minutes pass in only 1?

Sometimes I time travel in smaller increments, a matter of minutes. Other times I'll move zip forward a couple of hours. I never know how far in the future I'm going to end up!

You're probably wondering how I finally learned the truth.

It happened this morning. I was a little late getting up, but certainly not any worse than usual. I made coffee like I always do and settled down in front of the computer with a cup to make the rounds through my morning websites and read email. I looked at the clock. It was 4:30, the time I normally stop and write my blog, but I had a couple more sites left to visit. Certainly nothing that would take very long. I could look at them and still have time.

The next time I looked at the clock, it was 4:50.

I know I didn't spend 20 minutes looking at a couple of things. How did this happen? I wondered. What could account for these missing minutes? Then it dawned on me--I'd time traveled. It made perfect sense. It's why, in the blink of an eye, my mornings disappear. It's why I'm always running late and playing beat the clock. Without any conscious effort on my part, I'm transporting myself forward in time. All those mornings where two or three hours disappeared without my being aware of them. All those mornings I had to race out the door to get to the EDJ (Evil Day Job) on time. All those mornings that I thought I'd overslept. Time travel!

I have positive proof--I still had coffee in my cup!

My morning cup of coffee does not last 20 minutes if I'm there to drink it and it certainly doesn't have time to get cold. But if I time traveled and my mug didn't, then it follows that I'd still have coffee and that it would no longer be hot.

The evidence is irrefutable.

Now that I know what's happening, I need to learn how to control my super power. If I can travel forward in time, surely I can travel backward. Here's my plan: I'm going to travel to Wednesday morning, read the winning lottery numbers in the paper, then return to Tuesday. On my way home from work today, I'll buy a ticket with those numbers and act totally surprised when I win the $67 million jackpot. Then I'll quit the EDJ and write full time.

I only wish I'd figured out that I had the power to control time sooner!