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Friday, December 31, 2004

Random Thoughts

As the year draws to a close, I find myself looking back at 2004. It's been an interesting year and one that's flown by for me. I started January mailing in the manuscript for The Power of Two. I was exhausted and had spent 4 months getting by on 4-5 hours of sleep a night in order to meet the deadline. I was burnt out totally not only physically, but mentally and emotionally too. I needed a break.

But I'd had a character come in about three weeks earlier and Ryne kept talking and talking and talking. I spent one day hurrying up to get those pages down before I made myself stop. I had to have time off to refresh my brain.

This was my start to 2004 and I'm afraid much of the year is a blur of writing and revision. I wish I could remember more of what actually happened. I can go through the year story by story, proposal by revision, but actual events in the world are pretty vague to me.

2004 is closing with an unspeakable tragedy. I've been watching hours and hours of tsunami coverage every day and am completely staggered by the loss and devastation.

It might have been yesterday while I was watching the news from Asia that the station segued into Iraq and what's going on there. It was incomprehensible to me that there was fighting going on there. My first thought was how can we (humans) still be fighting each other when we all need to work together to help those who've been so affected by this disaster.

Then I realized that I was the one whose thinking had shifted. That my expectations of a world united to aid those who were in desperate need was an ideal, not reality. This leaves me sad. So much seems trivial when faced with the absolute devastation around the Indian Ocean.

I do understand life goes on, that we can't stop living because of this. But can't we become better people? Can't we grow past petty differences and squabbles? Not necessarily the war, but at least in our own lives. I have little patience right now for people caught up in their minor snags and problems. I keep thinking of how lucky they are and wondering why they can't figure it out. All they have to do is turn on the TV to see that their issues are meaningless.

Edited to add: I do understand that getting caught up in our own stuff is a human thing. I also know that it's a matter of time (maybe only mere hours) before I get obsessed with my own petty little things. I'm certainly no Mother Teresa. I'm still concerned with getting to work on time and I still curse at other drivers and call them idiots. :-) But for right now, overall, I'm humming John Lennon's "Imagine" and wishing we could "be as one." At least for a little while.

Sometimes I think early morning is a good time for contemplation because it's so quiet. But enough philosophy. I don't want to preach, I just wanted to put down some of my thoughts. This really was a stream of consciousness kind of ramble this morning. Maybe it's because I haven't had enough sleep and I'm going to be sitting at work today by myself, but these kinds of thoughts really do roll through my head.

I hope everyone has a wonderful 2005. And that this is the year that more people see all humans as family.

MN Weather Report: 29 degrees. Wind chill of 15.