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Wednesday, June 01, 2005


I'm totally freaking out. Or close to it. I'm scared--terrified--about how my revisions turned out for TACV. There was so little time to work on them and there won't be time to redo anything I messed up.

I deleted some paragraphs here and there and I can't remember if I crossed them out on the hard copy or not. There were changes that I'm not sure I made or not because they were things listed at the end of the revision letter, but for stuff earlier in the book. I made some changes that would affect things across the entire book and I'm hoping I didn't miss any spots.

I couldn't sleep last night despite the fatigue because I was worrying about all this. It's really hard to revise off the hard copy. Instead of going in and working with the electronic file, what I had to do was print out changes on paper, find where they were supposed to go, and make marks where to insert them. :-( It's okay to do small changes like this, but very hard for big stuff and I was doing big stuff. If I'd had time to reread the whole mss, make one last run through, to make sure I didn't miss anything, I'd feel better. I didn't have that time.

So what if I totally screwed up? What if I didn't fix the problems I addressed? What if I made them worse? What if there are inconsistencies in my book because I missed references that should have been deleted? Or missed something that should have been revised? What if the changes don't blend smoothly into the story?

I totally love this book and I don't want it to be a mess. I'm hyperventilating just thinking about all the things I could have missed. I'm hyperventilating realizing I won't be able to go through it again to fine tune it. I'm just plain overwhelmed by stress, and yeah, freaking out.

MN Weather Report: 65 degrees.