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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

My Surreal Night

So at about 5pm last night, I went oops, guess I better get ready for my dad's party or ceremony or whatever they call it. Okay, so social hour stared at 5pm--I didn't know anyone there to be social with--and I made it a little after 5:30 which ended up being plenty early enough.

I guess I should say that my dad was hugely excited by this whole thing and I guess it's a huge honor and all, but I have a problem with this whole lodge concept and I have since I was a teenager. But then my dad doesn't understand some of the things I enjoy, so when he starts talking lodge, I basically tune it out and go into uh-huh mode. Last night, though, I was up close and personal with something I find to be, well, amusing and a bit surreal.

Dinner was served by a group of teenage girls and their mothers. They're daughters of members from another lodge. Some of them were wearing tiaras. I kid you not. I'm looking at this, and if there weren't a bunch a people within earshot, I would have asked my mom what was with the crown deal. Later on, when it was clear, I did ask and apparently they're like princesses within the org or something. O-kay. I can't see wearing a tiara to serve food, but hey, they're kids. Whatever.

Speaking of wearing something inappropriate to wait tables, one of these girls (who looked like she was around 13 or 14) was wearing leather (or faux leather) pants. Fairly tight. And heels higher than anything I've worn in years. Heck, maybe since I was in my teens. Once I hit college, comfort became more important than wearing shoes with 4 inch heels. Towards the end, she was getting a little snippy and you couldn't help but wonder if it was because her feet hurt. :-)

Just before dinner was served, this dude with a ponytail that went to the small of his back sat down at our table. I was like whoa. A lodge guy with a ponytail? He was probably in his 40s and had so much lodge logo jewelry on he looked kind of like a used car salesman. I was never introduced to him, but apparently he's some big shot in the main lodge. He didn't talk to anyone at our end of the table (it was a short table), just ate and then bolted from the table, then he showed up in the meeting room upstairs right before the ceremony began.

The only comment I'll make on the food is that the salad was like coated in dressing. Heavily coated. Every single piece. I haven't seen that much dressing on lettuce since I was a kid. Holy crap! And it wasn't like you could ask for plain salad with the dressing on the side.

So we go upstairs to the meeting room area and the presentation started--fifteen minutes late. Gah! We all have to stand to say the pledge of allegiance. I honest-to-God wasn't sure I'd remember the words since I haven't recited that since grade school. Then the grand poobah of my dad's lodge introduces every other grand poobah there from every lodge and there were like a gazillion of them from all around the Twin Cities. I was like, okay, everyone here is a grand poobah, can we move on? Nope. And they were calling them like "worshipful master." Um, yeah. O0000-kay.

Next, they had people stand up and tell nice things about my dad. Which was great, except this went on and on too. Someone told me they hadn't had this big a turn out at the lodge in 30 years.

While this whole presentation thing was gruesomely long, I also found it hilarious at points. There were a couple of times I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing out loud and I know I was the only one who found this thing funny. Although I can say, the grand poobah of my dad's lodge is hilarious. Whether it was intentional or if he's always that way, I don't know, but it was like watching Walter Mattheau in Grumpy Old Men.

Anyway, I have to wrap this up since I've got to get ready for the EDJ (Evil Day Job (thank you Joely!)). I don't think I can recount much more anyway, since I was like hurry up and let's get out of here mode. It dragged on and on and then my dad got to speak. I love my dad, but God can that man talk. And talk. And talk.

Finally, finally I was able to make my escape and go home. My social obligation is fulfilled, and since this is a once in a lifetime award, I should never have to do this again.