BioBooksAwardsComing NextContactBlogFun StuffHome

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

At the Core

Yesterday, I read what I wrote this weekend and it sucked. I mean completely, totally sucked. But the difference between the sucky stuff I wrote before and the sucky stuff I wrote this weekend is that this work can be fixed. That's what I started working on yesterday and it was a huge, time-consuming struggle. Part of the reason is that the visuals on the scene aren't coming to me. I can't see where Creed is so the reader is completely ungrounded. I worked on that. I also don't know why this creature that he's hunting is just strolling around. Last night, I discovered that Creed doesn't know either and he's hanging back to find out just what the heck is going on.

But Creed himself is my biggest problem. I can't get a grip on him. Deke was a smart ass and his personality just came right through. Wyatt was patient, sweet and honorable. Conor was tortured and isolated. Well, you get the idea. I've always had a good sense of my hero's core, but I don't with Creed. I've been talking with him, trying to figure him out, and while I did learn more, I still don't feel like I know him.

What I've discovered is that he's burnt out. He doesn't really care about too much even though he keeps doing his job. I asked him about that--why didn't he just quit? His answer was that his people needed him, that they didn't have enough troubleshooters as it stood and they couldn't afford to lose another. I asked him why he did this job when his life was on the line all the time, when he was always traveling to handle some situation somewhere. His answer was interesting. I hadn't thought of it, but I should have since Deke said it in the previous book in relation to Ryne. Creed came back at me with questions of his own. Why do humans work as police officers or as soldiers? I got it then.

But I still don't get him.

Maybe part of it is I had an idea of what I wanted him to be and he's not that man. I thought Creed was greedy for power, but I'm beginning to think that isn't true. That his interest in Ryne didn't have so much to do with the extra, but with pulling himself back from the dark forces. Creed thinks he's gone too far and he knows he can't turn. Not only can the Gineal not afford to lose him, they can't afford to send a troubleshooter after him.

So I'm getting all this, but I'm also getting that Creed isn't this selfless, kind person either and he never was which means I can't blame it on external influences. At least not all of it. And that's part of what's making it hard for me to get a handle on him--all these contradictions. I just need to somehow find out what he is at his core. Once I have that, I'll have him. It's frustrating that I can't figure it out.

My day yesterday was pretty frustrating on other fronts too. I checked into cable internet. My ISP had a deal where I could switch for $29.95 for 6 months and $41.95 a month after that. I plugged in my promotion code and the website said, yes, this is still available and you get FREE equipment! Yea! Sign me up, baby! Only after I get to the next screen, I find out that I get three months at the introductory rate, after that my rate will jump to $44.95, and oh, yeah, it's a $3 a month charge for the modem. Excuse me? So I did not sign up after all. Now I have to ponder my options.

Just to make the day extra special, as I turned onto my street on my way home from work yesterday afternoon, the urban assault vehicle started to make some kind of metallic noise. Great. I need my oil changed anyway, but I wanted to wait till the weekend to bring it in. My parents are out of town, so I plan to drive over to their house, leave my SUV there and take their car instead, but I hate driving it. Compared to my vehicle, it rides so low! Now I've got to hope that 1) it doesn't cost a fortune to make that noise stop. 2) that it doesn't take them forever to fix it.

Being a grown up sucks sometimes.