Until I was in my mid-20s, I couldn't say no at all and found myself stuck doing all kinds of things I didn't want to do. Like join a bowling league.
A coworker asked me, and while an occasional game is fun, I didn't want to commit to bowling every week for months on end. Instead of saying, "Thanks, but I'm really not interested," I went with "well, I'm really not a very good bowler." And I wasn't because when you play an occasional game now and then, you don't get good and because I was never very good at any sport.
Did not being good end this discussion? No. I was told there were handicaps and I'd be fine. Guess who ended up in a bowling league? Yep. It wasn't bad for the first two months, but after that, it got really, really old. The lanes were also a really long drive from where I lived and it was Monday nights. I spent the entire week tired.
Saying no still isn't easy for me, and I still can't simply say "No" without adding reasons, but I do say it and I do stick to my guns.
Like when I was on deadline for Enemy Embrace and there was a work event in the evening as well as the next day. I was planning to go to the one the following day, but not the evening one because deadline. I had someone badger me to attend. Not just briefly, but at length. It was super annoying and super uncomfortable, but I did not go to the evening event.
I've learned over the years that if I don't respect my writing time, no one else will respect it for me. I constantly hear, "It's just one night, day, afternoon, etc." These same people wouldn't expect you to just not go to the day job because it was just one thing, but because writing is done at home, it's dismissed as something that can be set aside on a whim. That annoys me. No, I can't afford to write full time--I wish I could--but I don't believe these people would respect my writing time even if it were my full-time job.
So yes, I say no and I mean it when I say it even if I do have to add excuses. There's a lot of power in being able to say no and I'm glad I reached a point where I could do it even with qualifications.
